Tornado

The dance is not over

2010-03-05T20:55:00.000+01:00

lightning flickers and she hears a moth bang its head against the windowpane
but its really her hands tapping on her chest

Alcest

2010-01-29T00:05:00.000+01:00

HOLY SHIT

I'm going to see Alcest in Berlin in April. So amazing. I can't believe it.
I know this is horrible youtube quality but still.

So..

2010-01-17T01:19:00.000+01:00

So i havn't posted anything in about 2 months now. Wich really doesnt matter cause no one reads this blog anyway. And i don't advertise it either cause I don't want anyone to read it. heh.

I just came home from my boss' place. I'm so full and a bit tipsy too. Me and my parents know my boss since way back because my parents work with her husband and yada yada yada its not weird. They always treat you with loads and loads of awesome Macedonian food and lots to drink as well. I had quite a bit if wine and my dad had a bit too much, hah. It was a good evening.

I've started a blog about movies with two friends. Its in Swedish but you should check it out still www.365filmer.se
We're posting one film each day that we think people should see (read "download") lol. And we already have loads of readers!

I was nominated for Grön Ungdom (green youth) union executive committee this year. Which is a pretty big thing and it means I'm really important or whatever. ha ha! I don't thing I'll be elected though. I don't really want to, to be honest. But hey its an honor i guess.
Btw I attended the biggest huge ass climate emonstration ever in copenhagen and it was so awesome. we marched forever and people were so cool. To bad they failed. And they are supposed to be leaders. Obama just came there and stuttered for a while. unprepared speach. so stupid. he might as well have sent us a text message for all i care. "uh eh...eh...no legally binding agreement...eh uh eh...".

yeah. bye.

2009-11-19T18:31:00.000+01:00

I wish people would leave me alone. I'ts like I'm having a constant headache and everyone around me annoys the hell out of me. I always get overly sensetive in the fall. I HATE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR. It is so depressing. Why am I even living here? Fuck me.

Work is fun though, most of the kids are sweet. I wish I could work more often. Or I can but they dont let me. What I mean is I wish the teachers would get sick more often so they would have to call me. lol.

Im on the 4th season of Dexter now, like everyone else I guess. But I've become used to being able to watch it whenever I want since I first started watching it about 2 weeks ago. Now I'm gonna have to wait a whole week for the next episode :( NOT FAIR.
MTV can blow me.

The Unthinking Majority

2009-11-18T20:07:00.000+01:00

Anti-depressants 
Controlling tools of your system 
Making life more tolerable

I believe that you're wrong 
Insinuating they hold the bomb 
Clearing the way for the oil brigade

molle

2009-10-28T16:49:00.001+01:00

This is Molle.
He is my brutha from anotha mutha.

Other than the fact that he is insanely rad and so much cooler than you will ever be he is also an artist who goes by the name NIFKIN.

If you think you can handle some sick
sounds then hit this link:

The Nifkin Tear Mix

Feel the heavy, bitch.

http://nifkinintimacy.blogspot.com/

and by the way....

2009-10-27T14:46:00.002+01:00

Tegan and Sara's new album is out today! And it's available at Spotify! YAY!

2009-10-27T14:42:00.001+01:00

Converge's new album, Axe to fall, might be the best album they've ever made. Holy shit. It's so intense and fantastic and not to mention the guests on this album. DISFEAR! Oh dear.

Might I add that I absolutely LOVE the album art. Yum!

And if you don't have spotify yet I suggest you get it. Its worth it. And its legal and supports the artists. You can either get the Free version wich gives you acces to the music as long as you're online, but with the premium version you get acces anywhere and all the time.
Lol Spotify should pay me.

Another album that blew my mind this month: HORSE the band - Desperate Living. The boys have outdone themselves. The lyrics are so....and the melodies...and oh! This album has truly brought out the artistic vein of this band. And Jamie Stewart! WOW!
I always knew Erik had something special, and to be honest I didnt think he was ever gonna be able to actually reach his artistic peak through HORSE. I've been proven wrong.

Breathe

2009-10-23T21:47:00.003+02:00

Breaths. Deep breaths.
No one should ever have to feel like this. No one should ever accept something like this. No one should be treated like this. I do not deserve it.

This is true

2009-10-10T22:07:00.000+02:00

Haha no its not but its funny anyway.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

The Stockholm Syndrome Pt. 1

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Ron Paul Interview

X-men

2009-10-07T00:52:00.000+02:00

I just started watching the X-men evolution series from start. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah. Its so awesome and exciting and nostalgic I'm almost clapping my hands out of joy while watching it. I had to take a break now though cause I've been watching it for three hours without a pause, tehee.

Im so lucky to be born and brought up with the best cartoons ever.

NOT GOOD ENOUUUUUGH! WHOOP

2009-10-01T16:03:00.000+02:00

HIMYM is funny.

The IT crowd is insane.

Darkly dreaming dexter is OK.

So I went to Lund yesterday to share some intellectual conversations at Ariman Café. Haha. I remember sitting in there drinking chai and smoke cigarettes(!!!!), back when it was legal, and pretend like I was someone who someday was gonna do something really cool. But back then everyone was revolutionairy. Now that thing is not "Alternative" anymore so most people who hang out at Ariman nowadays are just ordinairy folks. Ofcourse we were too, ordinairy people. We just tried really hard not to be. Brings up a lot of memories that place.
It's really cold outside now. It's Fall. It's sweden.

I'm going to record vocals for Dash, former bassplayer of HORSE the band. I can't believe it. Prepare people, cause this is going to be some pretty intense shit! I dont know a lot about it yet. But I've heard a rough edit of what the man is working on and it sounds very promising. I can tell it's going to be a classic. Very dark. Very atmospheric.

Tegan and Sara tickets booked. Kings of convenience on sunday. Ah ze excitement!
Im going outside to take some pictures of something. Snap.

maybe if i cry

2009-09-21T14:37:00.002+02:00

Tegan and Sara plays at Mejeriet on November 21st :)

And I'm feeling young and wreckless

2009-08-24T14:07:00.000+02:00

This summer has been really weird. I've been working and partying and I dont really feel like I've accomplished anything interesting but maybe i have? I'm probably getting my own apartment next month. Fucked up. I feel old. Like I'm not allowed to feel a certain way or do certain things anymore. I sat out in the park with my brother and his friends the last day of Malmöfestivalen and I was perfectly sober and bored out of my mind. Bleh.
I'm starting to wonder if my work has stopped giving me times to work and really dont want me to come back. Haha. It's a really fucked up place. It wouldnt be the first time they did it. That's pretty much how they handle things over there. Not exactly professional. And besides I get less paid than a polish cleaninglady. Lame shite.

dance dance

I've been partying away my problems. Hey how original. haha. I feel out of order. I'm so sick of this place where everyone knows everyone or has some connection of some sort. FUCKING FACEBOOK. I'm not even sure it's such a good idea to get an apartment now.
People are so pushy.

Everything I have to say is stupid and has been said a thousand times and your mom is emo :)

work

2009-06-27T01:01:00.000+02:00

it hurtz.
my feetz.

ouch.

imaaaaaa

2009-05-31T19:27:00.000+02:00

hartbrekah

why do people associate sex with a god damn relationship.
dude. cant we just fuck and stay friends.

stop being so complicated.

PRAHA

2009-05-30T18:21:00.000+02:00

It was so dirty and sad and beautiful and awesome.
Gzech people were jerks.
No one understood english.
Cheap drinks, cheap food, cheap everything.
Yellow market.
Hot Peppers.
Lapdance.
Angry chinese people.
Insane taxi.
Beer-bong.
Staropramen.
Absinth ice-cream.
cannabis cocktail.
Scarfs.
Ugly people.
Train.
Dogs everywhere.
Mojitos.
Lord of the rings.
Church.
Fried cheese.

I so so so so soooo wanna go back. And I am. This summer. I will. Fuck yeah. Thanks Hugo, Oliver and Emil for letting me share a room with you. It couldn't have been better.

nephews

2009-05-24T13:18:00.000+02:00

Egon

Adrian

Tjeckien

2009-05-24T13:17:00.000+02:00

I'm always early. Ive been ready to leave for 2 hours now. Hah. my train dept is at 7. fail. 6 hours to go then. well. i could get in to malmö earlier but then i'd have to wait at the train station. Aaaah the gzech beer festival is in prague when we arrive. how awesome is that!?

dum dummm

Im so incredibly bored. BAWRED YAO.
Im listening to looptroop rockers. theyre flyyyy.
Simpsons is boring. how can anyone find that show funny?
the last episode of scrubs wasnt all that sad. i thought i would cry but i didnt. fail scrubs. fail.
i wanted to cry =(

=(

That smiley reminds me of a clown.clowns are sick.

BOOL

the list

2009-05-11T19:56:00.000+02:00

Things i cant get enough of right now:

Ice-coffee
The IT-crowd
Fleet Foxes
Vegan food
Douglas Coupland
My dog

pew

2009-05-06T22:04:00.001+02:00

We're supposed to dress up as different movie characters for this theme consert-night-thingy my school is hosting and i really cant think of anything good.
I mean I dont wanna wear a stupid wig or anything.
So ive been trying to come up with characters that have short hair. the colour doesnt matter really.
But cmon. There are like no famous female movie characters with short hair like mine. Everyone is so beautiful and long haired and daskjdakls. Haha. hetero-world fails.
The best one Ive come up with so far is Marla Singer in fight club. But her hair is longer than mine. And no one would recognize her cause ther will be old people there and they'll be like whaaaaaat are you supposed to be? Hobo?
Hahaaaa

Its a hard life.

We went to this museum the other day outside of Helsingborg where they had preserved pillboxes and lots of different stuff from the cold war when Helsingborgs military defense was waiting for the germans to invade after they had occupied Denmark. We never had an invation though. This place was incredibly well reserved and they even had photos and stories from the people who lived and worked there. It was really amazing

We arrived in cars and it was really shit weather.

The first thing we did was to go down in this pillbox/bunker thing and our guide told os really cool stories about the soldiers who worked there. And we saw the biggest transportable canon ever used in sweden.
Unfortunately i didnt take any pictures of that.

Excuse the quality of the photos but it was incredibly dark since they electricity went out while we were there. We walked in some weird corridor where they held some sort of exhibition. It was pitch dark so i had to take pictures to see anything lol.

Female uniform

There were scary dolls everywhere. Not like this one but like real size dolls.

Ahahahaaa
there were hilarious signs eeeeeverywhere

CANON

CANON

Tank!

Bike!

It says something like: Do your duty, join the military!
lol.

And the end. Sofi thought the trip to the museum was "kanonkul" lololololololol

blah

2009-05-05T17:39:00.000+02:00

Haha.
The hotel we're going to stay at in Prague have a policy against girls and boys sleeping in the same room.
I get to share room with two boys still.

Weird.
I dont have anything to write anymore. Or maybe I do but it jst feels desperate.
Anything I have to say is stupid anyway.
.

asdjklklklklklklklklklkl

2009-05-03T22:35:00.000+02:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
FUCK ME SIDEWAYS AND CALL ME JUDY

Fall of Troy is playing Siesta! and i'll be in pragueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaksjdhkasjhsCUNT
This is not fair. this is bad karma. not even the gzech beer festival can weigh up to that.

*STAB SELF*

:'(

fail

Your protector

2009-05-02T13:45:00.002+02:00

If you havnt heard Fleet foxes and fallen in love with them yet, you suck.

Gay

2009-04-28T07:19:00.000+02:00

I forgot to mention,
Gay marriage is a fact in Sweden now. Since 1st of april. Its a pretty huge thing.
I've always said that I won't even consider getting married until I have the freedom of marrying whoever I want. Now I can do just that.
Cool.

tsssss

2009-04-24T17:09:00.000+02:00

NOFX are so stupid

read a little more, talk a little less

2009-04-22T17:17:00.000+02:00

I have to stop being so angry.
I need something humbleing.

But how can you not be angry when there are so many idiots out there?
Dont get me wrong im angry with myself too.

But if im ever gonna be able to change anything i need to become humble. Its not that I think Im right, its the fact that hearing the same stupid arguments and opinions over and over again is frustrating and it makes me angry and agressive cause i get so disappointed. cause i keep expecting things from the human race.
Im too aggressive for sweden I think. I wonder what made me so hot tempered. Cause I was born into it. And it seems people around me dont get that. like swedish people dont respond to real facts, they want you to sugarcoat everything and be all nice and cute about it. They cant understand radicalism. OH LAWD why am I so passionate?
I need a sport.

Cactus hands

2009-04-15T17:59:00.000+02:00

I just hurt everyone i love!

so the count of monte cristo...

2009-04-14T18:14:00.000+02:00

...died.

BWAHA.

Yeah Im angry. Its weird. Im both really pissed all the time nowadays and at the same time really chill. Im especially sick of always being the bad guy. The one who says something. Or wait. NO. Im not. Im fucking proud that at least Im honest enough to SAY SOMETHING when it needs to be said rather then keep my mouth shut and then go and nag about it to my stupid girlfriends. I've always kinda known. I always get peoples backs. But who the hell is gonna get my back? Just once?
I just cant believe how selfish people are. I wont believe it. Im not naive but cmon i need someone to show me at least a tiny bit of enthusiasm. Some friggin fire, man. Apathy, indifference. How can you live like that? Seriously its like everyone around me are on a mind-screwing dose of zoloft. If youre gonna be a zombie you might as well be dead. Yeah sure when theyre alone with me, just talking to me its really easy to express their real feelings and thoughts about stuff. But its like everyone i meet every single day in school and what not, just people my own age act like pussies all the time. If youre not willing to sacrifice anything for whatever it is you want then seriously, SHUT UP. Don't nag. Nagging is the worst thing i know. Just do something about it.
This stuff is really just building up inside of me. Mostly cause i really feel that im sacrificing so much more than im getting back, from anyone. Its not that im not willing to do it. Its just getting tiresome.
Maybe its just people "my age". Maybe im older in my mind? No, thats stupid. How could you be older in any other way than the physical. Age is a stupid illusion. It doesnt say anything about who you are.

I wont regret saying this
this thing that im saying
is it better than keeping my mouth shut?
that goes without saying...

These things just make me sleep all the time, and at the same time go out and kick some random guys ass.
Even though I'm getting constantly disappointed with my everyday meetings I still know there are a few awesome people out there who's not pretending they have it all figured out, but still theyre fighting. Or at least trying. One of those people is Navid Modiri. Without doubt he has been one of the most influential people in my life. Since i was about 11 I've been reading his writings and poems and pretty much everything he's been up to ive been in touch with. I met him last year at this event where they mixed poetry with electronica. I tried to explain to him that he was probably the coolest person i knew cause he doesnt care if he can sing or knows anything about movies, he still reviews movies and sings in a band. I dont know, He's just inspirational. You wont get it if you havnt met him. theres something about him. Check out his band: Navid Modiri och Gudarna, if you havnt heard them! AWESOME :D

From off to on

2009-04-05T18:35:00.001+02:00

Spontaneous trip to Copenhagen yesterday. Nicke was going there to return some camera stuff to a friend so he offered to pay for my train ticket just to have some company. It was a lovely day! Haha lovely, thats such an old ladies word. Anyway the sun was shining and we sat around and drank beer at Rådhustorget and ate awesome pizza with like 4 different types of cheese and then chili sauce on top of that! YUM i tell you! Got pretty wasted after a while since it was so hot outside. On the way home we got off at Malmö, Svågertorp where Nicke had his car and drove off to the beach just where the Öresund bridge starts. We walked around for a while and enjoyed the sunset and awesome feeling of being pretty much alone on a beach. It was cool. There where lots of dirty swans though. Made me sad. Filthy water :(.

A cool monument thingy on the city hall in copenhagen wich i always found fascinating since i was a little kid.

Cool stuff

Nicke

asdaaasssdsadaf

2009-04-04T21:01:00.002+02:00

AAAAAAAAAH hahahahahahhhhhhhhh
love this day forever
BANG BOOM
SCHMACK

Walked around in copenhagen and got drunk with an old "friend" lolololo
walked on the ebach and got more drunk
got a sunburnnnnnn
talking to molle now and feeling the groove.
I love my life.

MJAUAAA

Aint it the truth

2009-04-03T23:56:00.000+02:00

Ok. For real. My body is making me fucking angry. I cant sleep when I have to sleep, but when i certainly don't have any reason to do so, I crash like a fainting elephant on a pile of bubblewrap. I cant even lay down and read a book. In only a few minutes my eyes start failing on me and before i know it its 23.15 and I've slept for 5 hours. Its not even good sleep or anything. I always wake up soaked and confused and feeling like im hungover.
And now im probably gonna be up all night. Its ok though cause i've got vacation now! :D Eastern holidays fuck yeah! Hopefully theres gonna be a lot of whiskey and chilling going on. Debaser just opened up outside to celebrate the springs arrival and we like it! Hopefully I'll spend as much time as possible in Malmö next week. An hopefully at Lisa's. Cause at least I can sleep next to her.
I had a 5 hour test today. It was allright. Hardly any people in school on fridays cause they're not actual school days at Mega, just like catch up time. So it was pretty chill sitting in a classroom by myself with the sun on my neck writing 3 pages discussing Allegories, if thats how its spelled. So it was fairly interresting and easy. When i got home I got myself a well deserved beer and sat out in the backyard for a while. This weather makes me tingle in my jiblets! Weeeee! I can't sit still.
Now I'm gonna eat mac'n'cheese in my jammies and watch scrubs. Cause inside Im really american :(

No envy, no fear

2009-04-02T16:04:00.000+02:00

Thank you Leni <3 I lurvs u!

The girl that sings with Joshua Radin on his latest record totally sounds like Maja Alderin. So cute.
Today the sun is shining more than it has done so far this year. I almost fainted when i got outside from the heat. And its not even THAT warm outside, its just that it was snowing last week? wtf. I decided to really get into it and celebrate spring by going to Netto and buy four staropramen 3,5% and sitt down on the grass and chill out.
After just a few sips i realised that 3,5 staropramen wasnt all that good and finished it quickly. Bah nothing can make me feel bad today :) Not even disappointing beer.
Tomorrow I have a 5 hour test. Blah. Its not anything hard though. But 5 hours is pretty exhausting.
I wanna go to ireland nooooow and finland and france and pragueeeee.

and i miss a certain little someone.

Moo

2009-03-30T10:59:00.000+02:00

It's kinda funny how offended people get whenever I post a vegetarian quote or write something against the meat industry on facebook and similar places. Everyone gets really defensive and start looking for arguments against it. Usually the "arguments" are so far from making any sense or even meaning anything that you can be pretty much sure that they actually don't have ANTYTHING of value to contribute to the discussion. My point being: I think most humans are ashamed of eating meat. I've never met one single person that I've discussed with who could argue seriously with me for a while and then seriously say they think the meat industry today is awesome. What usually happens is that people get really angry cause I destroy their little comfy world of ignorance and they start saying stuff like I should mind my own business (wich is funny cause I'm pretty much never the one who starts the discussion). Or they just don't wanna talk about it and joke about it instead. "If we aren't supposed to eat animals then why are they so tasty?", "I am eating the meat so it wont go to waste", <--- this one people actually try and use as a serious argument sometimes. Meat eaters always get really pumped up when they hear I'm a veggie and start picking on me cause they think that I'm gonna pick on them. The truth is, they feel guilty.

I have never said that I am certain that eating meat is wrong. What Im against is the whole industry of it. Both from an environmental and animal rights point of view.

I think if you want to eat more meat you should kill it yourself and eat it raw so that you are not blinded by the hypocrisy of having it processed for you. ~Margi Clark

One farmer says to me, "You cannot live on vegetable food solely, for it furnishes nothing to make the bones with;" and so he religiously devotes a part of his day to supplying himself with the raw material of bones; walking all the while he talks behind his oxen, which, with vegetable-made bones, jerk him and his lumbering plow along in spite of every obstacle. ~Henry David Thoreau

We all love animals. Why do we call some "pets" and others "dinner?" ~k.d. lang

THAT is what I am talking about. It is insane to say you like animals and then support the industry to which they are suffering as slaves to our egocentric cravings. Yes I can be dramatic.
I have yet to meat one person who can actually argue against vegetarianism in a civil and intelligent way.
I am waiting. BRING IT ON BITCHES!

der yek gooshe

2009-03-29T18:59:00.000+02:00

Spent my weekend in Malmö, Möllan at Lisa's. The first night we drank beer, talked and watched Fucking Åmål. One of the best Swedish movies ever made. So nostalgic. We laughed a lot and remembered the 90's and being in 8th grade and being gay hahaha. It's probably not as cool if you're not swedish. Cause a lot of the jokes are sweden based irony.
We watched a lot of scrubs too. I was probably really annoying cause I kept saying the lines before they said them on TV. Without even thinking about it lol. Ah well. The next day it was dykes night out in malmö. Or first we met up with Lisas neighbour and chilled for a few hours at Lisa's then we got out to some pub on Nobelvägen where Lisa's friend worked. It was cool. Lots of free drinks. We got to ride a hummer back with Lisa's private taxi driver hahaha. Gotta love it.
Just when we got home though my phone rang. And there's some dude speaking in american wanting me to go to gothenburg and Im like "eeeeeeeeehr who is this?". And apparently its one of the guys from 36 crazyfists who got my number from a friend who went to their show. And I'm like wtfffffffffff. And apparently they just did a show in Malmö and wanted me to go see them in Gothenburg and told me they would pay for everything hahaha. And I'm like "lol I've never even heard you guys". Well I've heard them but I dont really care about them haha. Crazy. Thanks Anna. I have no idea why they started talking about me or why they wanted me to come to Gothenburg. I wonder what Anna told them about me lol. Fun weekend!
Now I'm home and all angsty about school. Fuck it lol. I'm not gonna make it. To be honest I don't even care anymore. I mean does it even matter? Fucking grades. I wont need any grades for where I'm going.

Ah, Laleh is so sick. One of the finer artists of Sweden. -->Check her out <--
So Amazing. I mean you cant really tag her as anything. Some reggae, oriental, indie, folk, jazz. Amazing. Havn't listened to her for years but just started again. nom.
Im gonna watch rocknrolla now and eat ice-cream. Flyyyyyyyyyy.

2009-03-24T23:23:00.001+01:00

dreams

2009-03-24T12:13:00.001+01:00

You know when you dream really intensely? When you wake up exhausted cause you've been "up" all night. And you feel like all your emoitions have been dragged out of you cause you need to feel them even if you didnt realize it. You just needed a dream to push the right buttons.
Right now I feel like something really tragic happened to me. Like I've lost something or that I've fucked up really bad. It's weird. It's been a long time since I felt like this. I didn't even know that I was capable of it anymore. It's like stepping out of your body. Everything is surreal. Wow.

I cant stand happy dreams. They are depressing.
Because nothing is ever as good as you can imagine it

Sex

2009-03-22T21:09:00.000+01:00

http://grasexuality.wordpress.com/2009/03/17/why-trendy-bisexuals-are-dangerous-to-asexuality/

So fucking true.

2009-03-22T18:05:00.000+01:00

Yeah. real funny you guys.
im just a joke to you. everything i say and feel is just a fucking joke to you.
assholes. this is fucking it.

MEWHEWK

2009-03-18T20:10:00.000+01:00

I decided that the haircut i had at the beginning of this week looked too much like a mullet and cut it offfffff. Now its shorter and way cooler. Ive been trying to let my hair grow for half a year now but short hair is way easier to deal with. And to be honest im too lasy to brush my hair and take good car eof it and what not. besides i looked like a retard when i wore my hair down before i cut it. Cause it was so...fucked up and ugly. Now i can just leave it as it is.
hair is weird.

Growing up

2009-03-17T20:05:00.002+01:00

One hit wonders. Don't you just love them? Im sitting here listening to some swedish ones that I heard growing up. I started surfing the great youtube and found some weird stuff from my childhood.

This one was so annoying.
Just look at them. Their image was to be totally indifferent all the time. Haha they looked pretty fucked live. Anyway. This was a huuuuuuuuge summer hit.

And then there's this one. This is a band from Helsingborg. The singer in this band (Nic) wrote this song with Maja from The Sounds (who's also from Helsingborg) on a party once. The name "Monika" that can be heard about a million times throughout this song is actually the name of this retarded woman that can be seen wandering around the central station of Helsingborg every now and then. This is the rumour. Nic is also in the Movie "Hata Göteborg" Wich is one of the most hilarious movies I've ever seen. Cause it sucks so bad.

This one got really big back in the days when the movie Eva & Adam had premiere. So cute. Look at them. So punk. This movie was really hyped.

Then theres Markoolio. The one and only. My little brother loved him. This guy has had so many hits in sweden amongst the kids. I don't know if it was his goofy ways or catchy music. Either way he's still a favourite in many childrens lives. He's very famous in sweden and does lots of TV appearances in funny shows etc. He is ridiculous and I love him. There's a bit of swedish folk in this song lol. And it's about him getting lost in the woods. The famous swedish band Nordman is in this song too. And other familiar faces(if youre swedish lol).

And then finally there's this one. Oh my fucking god this song is one of the most hyped songs in swedish history I think. For an entire year you could hardly go anywhere without hearing it. This guy is such and asshole too. And he hit it big in UK last year I think with an english version of this song. The english version is about love and this one is about computers. HAHA. Sweden<3

Another one.

HOLY SHIT i almost forgot this one!!!! AHAHAHAhahahahahashasdjadh These girls wrote this song. About a pink Helicopter. LOOK AT THEIR DANCING. It's so adorable!!! ROFLOL

BAMBOO BANGA

2009-03-17T18:03:00.000+01:00

M.I.A. signs some pretty decent shit.

It's amazing how much peace a calendar can bring you. Or me at least. Holy schmoly I hav'nt felt this much releif since I dont know. And today my dad bought one for me. My mind is always all over the place so I really needed somewhere to put all my activities and deadlines into. DO NOT FEAR! I am now saved. Thank you papa! Now I feel re-born!
I'm not much of a routine person but I need some control to function properly. My life is a balance of chaos and structure.

Some pretty cool happenings coming up in the future.

Popkorn final @ The Tivoli tomorrow
Navid Modiri & Gudarna @ Dunkers 18/4
Salem Al Fakir @ AF Borgen 3/4
Bob Hund @ Mejeriet 24/4
Prague 24/5
Graduation 12/6
France 19/6
Finland sometime this summer

om nom nom!

Can't wait to go to Prague. Amazing city! So cool. And Finland will be awesome too. France is not 100% decided yet though :(
Haha I just saw that Melody club are playing at kulturbolaget soon. Nostalgic. lol.

The Gay scene in Skåne.

2009-03-14T15:41:00.000+01:00

Holy shit.
The Tomboy club was so predictable. They were'nt far away from playing YMCA. I recognized pretty much every single dyke there from this gay online community. I saw all the fameous fags dancing to 99 red baloons. And yes there are famous gay people here in this country. Not famous as in being on television but famous as in everyone knows them and they only hang out with HBT people and they have a paying account on qruiser so they cna log in faster. Everyone were sitting in their little groups being loud and proud and it was so painfully boring. So predictable. Me and Molle were pretty fucked when we got there though so it was fine. We could just sit and stare at eachother and laugh haha. I entertained myself by getting drunk. Im surprised no one bought me drinks cause I looked pretty damn good last night. Molle did too, BAM. But yeah. Everyone were pretty anti social and only hung out with their own friends.
At some point this random girl drags me up on the dance floor and they are playing some fucking britney spears song i cant recall. Then suddenly this girl next to me recognizes me from qruiser. "Hey didn't i talk to you on qruiser?" Eh. Next thing we're dancing and making out and i guess you could say i went home from Tomboy with a tomboy last night ahahahaha. I'm not complaining. It turned out pretty fucking awesome after all.
Now Im waiting for Molle to call me so he can come here and watch Harold and Kumar with me and get fucked uppppppppppp. I want a FlapJack.

Eh

2009-03-13T18:03:00.000+01:00

i dont have enough gay/queer friends.
i realised since im going out to a gay club tonight on my own.
its still a bit exciting. maybe ill get lucky tonight.
(meaning, surviving the night)

2009-03-12T20:02:00.000+01:00

My room smells of sandal wood, spicy oils and cardemum tea. I like. I just took a warm bath and scrubbed my whole body and put on both a hair mask and a face mask. Now im so clean.
Listening to kultiration and feeling pretty happy.

its so different

2009-03-12T00:54:00.002+01:00

frying falukorv and playing some keyboard? randomz.

dfsdnfgkjd

2009-03-11T22:35:00.000+01:00

Oh shit.
I feel so sad. Like I could cry for Salem.
I think something really bad happened to him. SOmeone really hurt him. You can so tell on the new songs.
Fuck. It's so unfair. So unfair that some pathetic bitch has to go and ruin this amazing, loving and happy person and make him into a cynical bitter I dont know what. Uuuugh. It's not like he's my favourite artist of all times or that I've ever met him or even been closer to him than when I was in the front row at his show on the malmö festival. But this guy always made me feel good. Seeing him on stage was always so joyfull and reading his interviews always made me laugh. Yes, I kinda had a crush on him. I mean he wasn't even happy in that kind of annoying way where you just wanna kill the dream, you know?
I remember so well this time last year when I was at the hospital, and one of my teachers talked to me about how he thought I should listen to Salem more. He said: "Just put on "Good song" and all your worries will go away". And they sort of did. I don't know. I've just always been in love with that guy's amazing spirit and now he's all torn up. FUCKING BITCHES.
I sound like some gossip lady haha. But I'm really taking this hard.
I hope I get to meet him in Lund. I'll hug him. For sure.

The Capital Beat

2009-03-11T19:29:00.000+01:00

I am doing some street team work for these guys right now, cause i can't not do it lol. Fredi is sending me some copies of their EP and some shirts so if you wantz eet, lemme noo! I love them. They are great guys, funny, sexy, talented and most of all they are from Finland. How cool is that, eh?
Visit their myspace here.

And btw, I just found out Salem Al Fakir is realeasing his second album soon. I read about him in the newspaper and apparently he "cut his hair and changed". He said something about being naiv and foolish when he released his first album and wanting to let everybody into his life and now he's more closed or something. It sounds sad. Something happened to him. And now he calls himself just "salem". Weird. I hope he hasnt turned into one of those cynical, artistic, arrogant indie artists. The world is so full of them and the fact that he was always so happy and innocent and loving was what made me like him in the first place. His shows we're always so warm. Im a bit worried. Well, we'll see i guess.

prelude

2009-03-09T22:28:00.002+01:00

Why didn't my parents make me play classical piano when i was little? damn.

2009-03-09T00:35:00.000+01:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
I hate it when people don't answer txts or are just to busy having a life to talk to me! haha. No but really. It makes me feel weird. I guess I just care about people. Ah what the heck I like being friendly and sweet and all over my peeps hahahaha.There is no escapin' my luuuuv.
I've been looking into summer jobs. Volounteer, Au-pair and summer employments. Oh and short studies. It's so hard to decide. Some Volonteer sites charge you like a million bucks just to go the the goddamn place for a week. I could go plant trees in Canada for a summer and make loads of money and have some time to think and just work. I could go work as an Au-pair with a rich couple in London. Or maybe I should go to Ecuador and build schools. Derrrrrrrr. I don't know. Might have to get my studies done this summer first cause im not gonna be done til june.

Wow, Im so sad. Like I could shed a tear now for real. I think Im always gonna have a hard time accepting reality. Nothing is ever as good as you can imagine it. And It's so trueeeeeeee. Chuk words of wisdome.

Sleepless in Eslöv. Epic fail. :(

Broken wings

2009-03-08T19:26:00.000+01:00

I'm sitting here listening to Broken Wings by Alter Bridge cause it is pretty much the only song on the setlist for my class' next consert that seems interesting. Well, there are like a couple of good songs on there but none of them are any fun at all. Not to play at least. SO BORING. I guess its my own fault cause i wasnt there but still.
Or well, i don't know. There's a rise against song thats pretty cool too.
I hate all these magazines i get sent home to me about studies and schools and work and asjdhasdjkhasd. Makes me sweat and panic. Lol. "STUDY, GET A JOB, BE SERIOUS"
I have a headache and my throat is fucked so i have the right to be a little cranky now. :)
I should be in Helsinki right now rocking out. But nooooo cause....I dont know FML.
My cat took a dump on my bed the other day. I hate him. Dogs rule.
I miss Fredi, Samuli, Dave, Aaron, Milo, Tom, Matti and John. A lot. It's just a fact. That no matter what, no matter how many advantages we women have, a man will always hug you better than any girl. I know cause I've been with girls mf! There's just something to it. You guys know what I mean haha.
That's what I miss. Milo-hugs. Cause they're the best. Milo bearrrrrr. yum.

I need chocolate before i kill someone lol.

And btw. I am Megatron!

How about just the coolest thing everrrrrrrrr

2009-03-07T16:49:00.001+01:00

GIVE IT TO ME

Why do they rock so hard?

2009-03-06T23:31:00.001+01:00

I don't know where to begin.
This week has been amazing. So many stories to tell. So much laughter. So much drinking. So much skanking.
I've met so many cool people. There's been so much hugging and kissing and love. Making so so so many swedish meatballs. Fuck. I wanna cry.

And oh yeah, The Capital Beat are hot. Like really hot.

Here are some pictures.

Dan dan daaaaaaan

Two chicks I can actually hang out with without freaking out.

Playing the trumpet is sexy. Ask Samuli. Raor.

I helped dave out at the merch table by writing some spiritual guidelines to people in swedish.

I can't believe how cool we are.

Anna, Johnny Christmas and me

Fredi, Singer of The Capital Beat. Beautiful soul.

Maja and me feelin' the reggae

Auto. Farmer, actor and saxophoneist. Soooo cool.

Bunny Rabbit stealing my camera

Drunk at sticky fingers. Samuli and Matti of CB. Amazing guys!

                                                     Milo, my one and only.

Epic

2009-03-04T14:41:00.000+01:00

Miserere mei, deus

2009-03-02T22:32:00.001+01:00

One of my favourite songs ever written.
I'm pretty sure I've been a knight once in a former life.

ooh ooooh i shouldn't be sitting here writing shit but i needed a break from my history essay about witch-craft. It's not boring or anything it's just i feel like i don't have enough time to make it as good as it could have been. Besides i could fall asleep right here right now cause i stayed up sleepless last night so im drinking shitloads of coffee to manage. Brilliant.
Tomorrow I am going to see Reel big fish again in Copenhagen with Anna and Maja who were there when i first had an interview with them in Malmö a year ago. Going down to malmö to party a bit before we leave and then it's ska all night, bitches! Anna is awesome. I hardly know her and she is awesome. She's letting me stay at her place both tuesday and wednesday. And yes, we will go see them on wednesday in Malmö as well. Cause we can. And it's free. Good famous friends. I has them ahahahahahaha.
I wonder what support acts there'll be though. Last year it was Streetlight manifesto wich was truly amazing. This year it will prob just be some lokal shitty arrogant band. Durrrrr.
Anyone wanna lend me 2000 sek so i can buy my hellfest ticket now plx? How the fuck am i gonna be able to book that when i only get 1000 a month. and i need to live :(. Being a student is fucked.

Now my tummy is acheing from too much coffeeeeee uuuuuuuuh. poor me. cum snuggle up nxt 2 me plx? i needz a cuddle!

pshyea

2009-02-28T18:37:00.000+01:00

Epic picture is epic.

Went down to Molle's last night. We we're chillin' n' killin' ya knooooow. It was cool. Lots of freaky stuff.
Mikropuhe <3.

2009-02-27T14:12:00.000+01:00

This is the part where everything should be fine, right?
Maybe it would help if you at least pretended you cared a little.
But hey thats this whole thing in a nut shell isnt it.
Fuuuuuuuck.
Why cant things just be simpler. Why can't I just commit suicide or start loving life. One way or the other please.
Im sick and tired of the way that im thinking. Sick and tired of being borderlineishh all the time and im sick of not being fucking accepted. I've really started to think that Im blaming myself for so many things that arnt even my fault. Like, other peoples problems.
Im so god damn sorry that Im a bitch who knows what she wants. im sorry im a strong woman or whatever cause i speak my mind and take up just a little too much space for other people to handle. Sorry for stepping into your little perfect highschool imagination and walking all over your boundaries. Im so sorry for not being the way you want me to be.
Why do people feel so badly that they have to mess with strong girls? Whats the fucking deal? Especially guys. You can't handle the thought that I could and would kick your ass if i needed too. Its true. That's why people are always being dickheads to my mom as well. Cause she is awesome and strong and independent and have accomplished so many cool things in her life. Neither of us have ever really been stuck in some gender role. My dad cooks and my mom works outside. That's the way it's always been.

There are so many people out there saying they believe in equality between the sexes but dont even have a clue what they're talking about. Not even knowing the meaning of it. Liars. Posers.

People who read my blog probably thinks im crazy and aggressive.
I am.

ill tell you just

2009-02-26T22:10:00.002+01:00

anything you dont wanna hear about.

Bobby jane went to the final of popkorn! They got both the jurys and the audience's votes and Marcus got an award for best singer of the night. I am so proud <3. All the other bands except from bobby jane were really friggin lame though. Even the other band from Mega called Addatune who also made the final were pretty much balls.
We went to celebrate at tapaz afterwards and it was craaaazy. Lots of cool people and friends. Lots of turkish peper shots and staropramen lol. Almost got into a serious fight with this dude who started saying lots of homofobic bullshit for some reason and everyone got really upset with him cause he didnt have any arguments (like they hardly ever do) other than it "felt wrong". Same old story. Sexually insecure retarded fuck. Such a redneck. It made me really happy how all of my friends reacted though. They got really pissed off. That's the kind of people i wanna be friends with at least.
I don't remember too much from last night only that we were 8 people in a 5 seat car going back to Marcus place where we tried to watch twilight and played acoustic covers of moment 22 songs and bobby jane. and i added some tegan and sara to the collection. It was niceeeeeeee.

And wtffffffffffff for some reason my music player is playing a totally random playlist??? Like someone logged into my user and changed the goddamn code or something. Scary shittttt.

Booya!

2009-02-25T15:04:00.000+01:00

Aaaaaahahaahaha I woke up with my cats bum in my face.
Life is bon!

Helsingborg today! Going to see Bobby Jane in the final of Popkorn. They are the coolest. I love my school.
And hopefully We'll be going out after and taking turkish peber shots and puke the day awaaaaay.
Good fun.
Uuuuuuggh I cut myself shaving my legs :(. On the exact same place I always seem to cut myself. Maybe it's a sign that i should stop? Naaaaah I like my legs smooth. It feels nice. Anyway it never stops bleeding. Maybe I have leukemia!? KNOCK ON WOOD!
There are little spots of blood around the apartment now. So gore.
And yes, I got up at 13 today. Being on break rules. I've finally started to learn how to sleep through all the kids screaming outside of my window (we live next to a kindergarden). So for the first time in a month I'm not making up different ways of killing myself every time i hear a child scream. Successsss!
I should feel worse considering what's happened the past few days. And to be honest i did feel like shit yesterday. And in a way it still kind of feels like i'm in a realationship but sort of just hiding it. People have tried to cheer me up by saying things like "now you can go around and make out with anyone you want" and yada yada. But I don't want that. I don't want that with anyone right now. Not with Ant or anyone else. I just want to be with my friends. I just wanna party and not have a care in the world. Not think about calling anyone or whatever. And for the first time in 6 months i actually have cash to go out and enjoy myself at the weekends. The truth is, I am very happy right now.

And, while Im here writing i thought i'd nag a little more about that the Verle forest in sweden, wich is a really old forest, is going to be fucking removed from the face of the earth if enough people doesnt click or buy stuff at www.aclickfortheforest.com. And I certainly think that would be a shame. Since then all the spots of forest and trees people have bought and the clicking will be a waste. There's now less than a month left to save it and if we loose Verle we will also loose important species. So pleace make a click for the forest your main page and tell everyone you know about it.

dum dum dum duuuum

2009-02-23T01:09:00.000+01:00

Thank you for listening to me when i don't make any sense. Thank you for making me feel beautiful with mudd all over my face and dog shit breath. There are lots of things I definately wont miss about it all.
But I'll still miss you.

...and i'll be curled up on the floor

2009-02-22T20:31:00.000+01:00

uuuuuuuuughh regrets. i has dem.
fuck.

pff pfffff pfffffffffff pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

2009-02-21T20:15:00.000+01:00

Sorry for hiding. I just really had to fix this thing. It looks better now. Still not done but html is exhausting so I'll have to finish later.
Im going to England again on monday. I'm not really feeling like it. It's not that I don't like being there it just blows that I have to travel for so many hours. First up to Gothenburg (Usually without a train ticket cause they're expensive), sitting there worrying wether or not the train is gonna be on time and if i take an earlier train just to be sure I'll have to wait for ages in Gothenburg. Then there's lots of waiting at the airport. Then there's the flight that takes 2 hours. Then a 2 hour ride back to Petersfield. And then the same thing on the way back. Fuck.
And the fact that I probably wont have any money left when I get back is starting to bother me. It never did before.
I know why.

Im starting to kinda (just kinda) like my new therapist. Or whatever she is supposed to be called. Best thing about her is she doesnt make me feel like I'm a retard or totally fucked up in the head ( Lol, Leni fucked up in the head). It's kinda nice talking to someone who's not always questioning everything about u. I do that enough on my own thank you.
I really think I've come to a point where I need to make an important choice that will probably break the old pattern forever. I've had so many positiv insights and changes the past months but still there's this thing that i need to deal with. And I don't know if I want to. But if I don't it will positively fuck itself up in some way.

Give me courage
Flash

Sorry mom, sorry God.

2009-02-18T23:17:00.000+01:00

My life is hype my love is hype.

Kärlek är Leni. Deså.

Lol I am so pissed off. And I don't even know who to blame. Maybe it's no ones fault.
I'd like to think it's you. I keep writing these long revealing posts and deleting them. Well, I still post some pretty personal stuff but frankly i dont give a damn. I am to honest for the internet. I guess the only reason i dont post everything i write is cause i don't wanna come of as some whore who just likes to mindfuck people in exchange for a comment.
Trust me, If i posted all the shit im thinking of here you'd get serious brain damage. So really I'm just concerned for you guys.

Give me needy emotional whining bullshit.
Flash
Give me self-absorbed egocentric twaddle.
Flash.

It sounds like i would have a billion blog followers or something. Lol.
Im not gonna deny that i like attention though. Everybody does. Why the hell would there be blogs if people didnt constantly crave attention? I'm no different from all those fashion bitches writing about what prada shoes they bought last week, trying to convert to politics by slowly wordpooping propaganda about how the global warming is hoax.

Chuck Palahniuk - Invisible monsters
The best way is not to fight it, just go. Don't be trying all the time to fix things. What you run from only stays with you longer.when you fight something you only make it stronger. Don't do what you want, do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most.

Show must go on

2009-02-14T13:57:00.002+01:00

Is the best song in the whole world.

2009-02-14T00:45:00.000+01:00

Yes, i know my blog looks like shit atm but i really can't be bothered to do anything about it right now, mkay?
Mkay.
Im eating cheese doodles and drinking diet coke with vitamins. My brother got a huge box of them from his work and gave them to me. Wich doesn't make any sense cause i hardly ever drink soda. But I'm grateful!
Jenka is still moaning downstairs even after 2 weeks here. Typical German shepherd. I feel sorry for her. She's always lived out in the country. we havn't moved anywhere for 12 years. Poor thing.

I've seen so many tasteless movies lately. Ancient horror movies (both really boring and funny ones), modern "experimental" thrillers, and random action movies. I saw the bourne triology the other day cause i had never seen them. lol they were awful.
I don't know why I watch so many horror movies cause mostly they just annoy me. I can pretty much always predict the whole plot and series of events within the first 15 minutes. I can't remember the last time i was actually scared or moved in some way by a horror movie. Not really since Blairwitch project. That movie is fantastic. Well, at least the actors are amazing. Love the idea. Love the legend.
The ones that i do not hate i tend to laugh at instead, wich is a good thing. Especially Hollywood produced stuff. Like this movie Black christmas. Haha that one was hilarious. While watching it i never really understood if it was supposed to be a comedy or thriller.

My life is so fucking interesting it blows you away. pshyea.

Confessions

2009-02-12T02:18:00.028+01:00

I think I deserve better than him.
I believe that we're all mentally ill in some way.
I am very clever but still kinda dumb.
People tend to think I'm this strong unbreakable person. I intend to keep it that way.
I need to stop taking these pills, but I'm scared of what will come out of it.
We belong to the world. Not the other way around.
Being an impulsive optimist has got me in to both trouble and adventures.

Det är roligt

2009-02-12T02:02:00.058+01:00

,,,,med folk.
Som gnäller på att andra gnäller. Haha.
Det är också roligt med folk som kallar sig själva missanpassade töntar för att bygga på sin image. En hipster som egentligen tar sig själv äckligt seriöst. En poser. Det får mig att skratta.
Folk kan hata mig och frysa ut mig om de nu vill. Men jag är i alla fall ärlig mot mig själv. Jag försöker.
Balansen mellan att vara arrogant och helt enkelt bara vara nöjd med sig själv är hårfin. Uttrycker man att man suger fiskar man komplimanger och uttrycker man att man är grym så är man en jävla narcissist. Man förväntas vara ödmjuk och ursäkta sig hela tiden och samtidigt förväntas man ge sig själv cred och erkänna sitt egenvärde. Min simpla fråga är: Hur fan lever man sitt liv utan att göra andra förbannade? Jag tror ärligt talat inte att det går.

When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves.

I slutändan svarar du bara för dig själv. Vad kommer du ångra att du gjorde/inte gjorde?
I mitt fall skulle jag ångra alla käftsmällar jag aldrig delade ut.

Jag hatar naturen i mig som säger att jag måste imponera. Varför ska image vara så förbannat viktigt? Ingen kan säga att de inte försöker imponera på någon. För darwinistiskt sett skulle man då vara en svag länk som snabbt skulle uttrotas.

On Game shows some people will take the trip to france, but most people will take the washer dryer pair.

Och det är så jävla sant.

Myspace - I love it.

2009-02-09T21:26:00.005+01:00

mmmm , actually i dont know how would i start but i can tell to you , wooooooooowwwwwww :):) because you are really so BEAUTIFULL really.. i m so sorry for my began but , i didnt keep myself :D :D i m so SORRY again :D

and i wanna say again :D
woow , god , you look really so beautifull on your photos... :D mmmmm , i felt really sad now because we are living diffrent countries :( :( what a unlucky me :) :(...

i guess , you have a lot of messages here like mine and i thought a lot of men say that same words to you but i hope u can see me and u can accept me :D

well , i m Eren from Greece and i m 24
i would love to know you much more but if you want that too..
and i really want to talk with you much more and more :D

i will give you my msn adress and if you like u can add me or you know , you can sent your msn adress ( if you have it ) then i can add you on my list.
by the way OF COURSE if you want..

so here is mine...

(yada yada yada censur)

( please dont laugh my yahoo adress :D i took it when i was high school )

i hope , u can add me and we become really GOOD FREINDS in the future , i really want that so much

i wish you nice life all time ,
take care yourself
love from EREN :D

2009-02-07T03:02:00.005+01:00

yum

2009-02-07T02:51:00.005+01:00

to intense to function around people

2009-02-06T23:00:00.004+01:00

apparently thats me.
for those of you...those brave suckers...those of you who are still sticking around this wreck, I salute you. You must be very patient and tolerant, or simply out of your minds.

The first rule is: you do not talk about din mamma!

2009-01-30T16:25:00.028+01:00

Chaos chaos chaos. The past week has been so hectic that when I try and think about it it makes me want to throw up.
UK. Randomly running into irish campmates from wacken, in london underground. Watching wolves in the throne room play and wanting to poison the soundguy and piss on his face. Eating fish and chips cause i was drunk. getting drunk. drinking pints for 99p. dragging ant off the train, taking shots that tasted like a full meal, eating loads of microwave food, fucking, drinking wine, playing xbox, fighting, crying, pukeing, eating ice-cream, getting stoned watching anime movies. blaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
I feel sick.

Fuck prop8.

2009-01-17T20:24:00.002+01:00

This stuff makes me angry. And I promise I will sometime soon sit down and write down exactly why everything these bibelfucking, ignorant homophobes has to say is just fundamentalistic bull. But right now, enjoy this video.

Naw look at that perfect little all-american family. Doesn't it just make ju wanna puke?
Teaching that some children come from gay families does not infringe on the rights of parents who do not believe that it is moral. That is like saying that the interracial relationships, or mentioning of different races, in the book is infringing on the rights of racist families.
It seems like saying that the teaching of evolution infringes on the rights of parents to teach their children about creationism.
I can't believe that pop8 got through. Or, well i actually can believe it since it seems that most people in fact are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. gee.

Christian Kjellvander

2009-01-16T18:18:00.000+01:00

I can't even begin to describe what I've been feeling today.
The day started with 1.5 hours of discussions about the israel and palestine conflict, wich just was really frustrating cause people were expressing their opinions about it like they knew shit. i guess its good that people try and care but for someone to even start choosing sides when not even the people living in the middle of that shit have any reasonable arguments for this chaos is just so...lame.
After that we had a 1.5 hour discussion...about uni or something i think. Im not sure i wasn't paying attention. i have a really hard time listening to my principal. she never gets to the point and she talks and talks and talks and now ive learned to just shut off whenever she opens her mouth.

My savior came after lunch though. Christian Kjellvander had finally agreed to play at our school. I've been trying to get Ejnar to bring him for two years now and finally he managed to. I saw him play at the major stage at Siesta last year and the place was packed and it was amazing. this was way different though. he played in our tiny tiny café on our tiny tiny stage where ive stood so many times. And he did it solo. there were candles lit everywhere and i sang along in every song and tried really hard not to break down and cry. it all just came back to me. sitting in a corner by myself, 14 years old, listening to christian. he played an awesome set and people stood up cheering like crazy afterwards. I went back right after and just hugged him and told him how amazing it was and how much his music has helped me and how much it means to me. i was really shaking. i cant remember the last time i felt like that after a gig.

"Don't feel bad if you don't understand this song. It just means that you're healthy, heh"
and then he played my favourite song. haha.
I cried afterwards. i couldnt help myself. all the stress from these past months just left my body for a while.
I dont even know what to say. it was so amazing. and im still kinda shaking.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh

2009-01-14T22:30:00.001+01:00

Fags

2009-01-13T18:55:00.000+01:00

Pretty much every day some stranger comes up to me and asks me for a cig. Sometimes i give them one, and sometimes i dont. It's not cause I'm a cheap bastard, it's all depending on how they approach me. And boi, there are so many different ways of doing that!

-got a cig?
- no, sorry
-.....(walkes away)

-Excuse me, do you by any chance smoke? (using proper ass-licking voice)
-Yeh, I do but I don't have any ciggarettes.
(I didn't, And actually I knew she had just walked by and saw me smoking, lol.)

-Ey, yo! Can you give me a cig, uh? (already holding a ciggarette in his hand)
-But you're smoking already?
-Uuuuh I just got this from a friend. C'moooon, jus' gimme one! I can't buy them myself. (his friends join in and starts asking for cigs as well)
-I bet you can't. what are you, like 12? I only have one left anyway.
- C'moooooooooooooooooon.
- No
(His friend tells him to forget about it and theyre about to leave when he turns around)
-You know if you had just given me that ciggarette me and my friends could've helped you out.
-....With?
- Ya know.....Stuff.
(I'm not kidding. those kids we're like 12)
- ....(leaves)

-Excuse me, missus. Can I buy a ciggarette off of you?
-Nah, you can have it for free! Cheers.

People are strange.

I'm Jack's wasted life

2009-01-11T20:23:00.000+01:00

meaning. purpose.
the things we own.
endless time spent in front of the mirror trying to create the perfect outfit.
relfection. lack of care. depression. rock bottom.
this is how much i suffer. this is how deep i am.
get the perscription for zoloft tattooed in my forehead.
100 mg per day bitch.
they are insane. you have to be insane.
to go through your whole life thinking that happiness is the way.
upsidedown.
i have to get better.
ask why.
you cant live like this.
but what if im not supposed to live at all.
be exactly what they dont want you to be.
genius and dementia.
are you done?
no.

shwooosch

2009-01-09T23:09:00.000+01:00

...and now my room is kinda empty.
'Been packing the past two days. I got so bored laying down so i ignored my exploading head and got busy. Besides i started getting serious pains in my back from laying on my sofa for too long. L word is good though. Probably the sexiest show ever written for TV.

Moving is awesome. It's a good excuse for throwing away shit that you've just saved for no reason. I like saving things and i like cleaning things out. its like a symbolic act for the growth of my soul. ololol. Just finished reading the Fight Club book. It wasn't as amazing as i expected it to be but it was indeed a good read. Gonna start on To kill a mockingbird later tonight.
I havnt smoked since monday noon, doh. But Im still a bit sick and I dont wanna do any more harm on my lungs while Im caughing like this. Maybe I'll stop. (tsss).

Night sandwich for my night tummy

blaaaargh

2009-01-06T22:40:00.000+01:00

im sick. some sort of infection. lame.
I miss Leni. It's weird sleeping alone. And I miss Ant. Havnt heard from him since he left to India saturday morning. It's a little scary. India is far away.
Im really dizzy, I shouldnt be laying down. I've slept like 20 hours in a row and then slept some more. I'm still really exhausted but I don't wanna go to sleep again cause I'll just sweat like a pig and have feverish nightmares. Laying down too much is depressing. My eyes are too tired to read so all i can do is lay down listening to music or watch TV. I hate watching TV. I like some series though. But I never follow anything. I buy the collections instead. Like scrubs. SCRUBS <3. Haha everytime i watch that show i can't help but think of Leni. We watched it every day when i was there and it never gets old.
JAMBALAYA!
Bajingo!
Knife-wrench!
Eagle!

etc

Back to bed :(

2009-01-04T17:49:00.000+01:00

So, my latest post should be about exactly a week ago. I've been busy having a life.
I'm leaving Leni and Varberg tomorrow. It's been a couple of wonderful days. Partying, dancing to backstreet boys, watching movies, taking long walks etc. I've had a blast.
Last night I went walking with an old friend from here as well. He lives in japan now so i don't really get to see him that often. We went down to the beach and watched the stars for a bit and talked about random things. Everytime i meet this guy i realize how incredibly good looking he is. If i didnt know him it would have bothered me. GET OUTA HERE PRETTY FACE. lol. youre too perfect for my indie life.
Nah.
Ant's in India now. Bastard. like 2 weeks left til i go to England though. or 2.5.
And were moving when i get home. arghrrhrhrhh. lame.
3 weeks til wolves in the throne room!!!!!!!! 4-5 months til graduation!!!!!!!! holy shiiiiit. NO MOAR SKEWL.

now, more playing with leni

Are we growing up or just going down?

2008-12-29T00:07:00.000+01:00

Just what i was thinking.
thx for expressing it for me FOB. thx for being emo <3

Haha, I'm going to leni tomorrow. fuckall. :D leni in my heart always and forever!

2008-12-28T00:49:00.000+01:00

there are things that makes more sense than anything else.
grass between my fingers. stars above. cold. tears. heart beating like its trying to make up for a whole lifetime.
just lying down on a field feeling the pain. feeling. it is all so perfect. frost in my hair.

:D

2008-12-27T20:32:00.000+01:00

This man is the shiet.
Cause he is taking me to see Wolves in the throne room in London, january 28.
I fucken love him!

Books

2008-12-26T23:02:00.000+01:00

jPOD
Choke
Invisible monsters
To kill a mockingbird

Just ordered. I had to delete like 10 books I really wanted and it came down to these 4 in the end. I want all the books in the world.
Went to the cinema with my little brother today. Saw The day the earth stood still. Lame. Cool special effects i guess but totally boring plot and bullshit ending. Before going to the cinema me, my half-sister, mom and my brother were shopping. Or they were. Every time I go out shopping I realize that I dont want anything. It's just exhausting and hectic. I am pretty fastidious about stuff as well. I know what I like. I used to be a waster. Buying stuff I didn't need or wanted. Now I'd rather spend my money on trips, meals or other experiences. Or I'll buy stuff online where I can get exactly what I want. I like to shop in other countries though. That's far more interesting. Cause then it means something. A peace of culture.

I want summer. Summer equals France and freedom. Eastern Europe and soul searching. Fucking and wasting and drinking and running. Yes please.

I forgot to mention...

2008-12-23T22:45:00.000+01:00

asdjhaskdjhsad

lol

Okey, seriously now.
Serious cat olololol.

I'm not drunk, i promise. Just a tinsy bit tipsy. I just had white mulled whine with taste of vanilla, cloves, ginger and other christmasy tastes. And i had regular whine. tehee. I think i was worth it. Been working hard all day. Making the coolest veggie christmas food ever. Pickled mustard herring, pickled chili and lime herring, buckwheat brawn, beetroot slaw and sum other stuff. The beetroot slaw was so fucking amazing. I died and got reborn.

Holy macarony! (my sister says that all the time)
and if you're interested my hair looks pretty darn fly now. i cut it. with scissors. and teaspoons. ahahahaha.
Erik, i saw a great tit (the bird. not a TIT. breast.) fly into a tree today. It fell but got back up pretty quickly. It looked around as if it was embarrassed like "OH SHIET hope no one saw me, dawg", and it flew away. It made me think of you. i laughed really fucking hard :D

storm

2008-12-22T12:28:00.000+01:00

i almost got blown away taking out the trash. fun :D
Really crazy weather. The sun is shining like it's never shined before and the wind is trying to grab a hold of anything that comes in its way and rip it apart, and every now and then some massive raindrops hits the roof. WIE!

2008-12-20T14:44:00.000+01:00

www.aclickfortheforest.com

just a kid

2008-12-19T21:51:00.000+01:00

stars. so amazing. i can stare at them for hours. stare and cry.
loosing grip of reality. and im not really sure right now if i even want to hold on, or just let go.
im so weak. i wake up about 10 times every night with my heart beating way faster than im actually breathing and my limbs shaking for minutes.

i made a mistake.

beauty

2008-12-18T17:35:00.001+01:00

big fucking doh

2008-12-17T21:32:00.000+01:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
why?
wolves in the throne room is playing in copenhagen while im in england. GOD DAMN IT!
This is exactly what happened last time when i missed nile. asdjhaskdjhksad.
My only chanse to see them is if i go to london the 28th. january that is. And that is my last day in england.

:(

I am sad. thus the sad face. :(

magritte VS postsecrets

2008-12-17T14:01:00.001+01:00

My hands are shaking. I want to sneeze and my mouth is dry. Repeatedly swallowing anger. There are things I should say. Letters I should write and walks I should take. I can't even cry cause I'm not sure I have anything to be upset about. There are so many emotions going through my body and so many thoughts echoing in my head. There are people I fear I'll never meet again, and people I just fear. I want someone to beat the hell out of me. I want a reason.
I don't think I'm cut out for the rules and manners i've been born into. Im not meant for harmony.
I choose chaos.

Earthquake

2008-12-16T15:40:00.000+01:00

Yes.
Today i woke up thinking my house was getting bombed. the whole damn building was shaking like mad and i heard terrible noices everywhere. Since i often wake up confused and half dreaming i tried to go back to sleep so it would go away. But it didnt. It kept shaking violently for like 1 minute and kept vibrating for about 2.
I thought i was going crazy or something and got angry with my realistic dreams.
When i came out in the kitchen my parents were both occupied with something in the attic and the basement. Apparently It wasn't a dream and my rents both thought that the boiler had exploded. But everything seemed okay. On the radio though they told us that pretty much the whole south of sweden just had a massive earthquake. 4.7 on the richterscale! Biggest one in sweden in more than 100 years. Things like that doesnt even exist here. Holy shiiiiiit.

Scaryyyy!

All in all

2008-12-14T14:15:00.001+01:00

DUH

2008-12-09T19:21:00.002+01:00

Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. HORSE's next album is being recorded by Jamie Stewart. JAMIE FUCKING STEWART of Xiu Xiu. One of the most amazing musicians ever to be born. I'm so excited to hear it. AH. It will be the coolest thing ever produced by a human being. sick.

2008-12-09T19:21:00.001+01:00

2008-12-07T12:06:00.000+01:00

Weird.
The specials are gonna tour in UK sometime soon. Holy shit. Its so weird. I've been thinking about them a lot this week for some reason and all of a sudden i see this add in my morning paper that says they are probably reuniting. Odd. The Uk is so scary. I kinda like it and kinda hate it. It's a mourning country. Stuck in history. A hidden tragedy that everyone seems to know about but no one ever mentions.
I am in love with Sweden. Sure I'll travel but I will always come back. Sooner or later. The only type of country i could imagine myself living in other than Sweden is some eastern europe place like ukraine or bulgaria. But no. There is something about this country that is not obvious. Something truly beautiful and painful.

Breakfast.

2008-12-06T12:17:00.000+01:00

i had a really weird night's sleep. Maybe cause i slept 14 hours. Maybe cause i kept waking up in fear even though my dreams were harmless.
It might have to do with that i read the count of monte cristo (second part) before i went to sleep but i found myself in a beautiful house with an endless garden. Fruit trees all over and jasmine scent. (maybe cause i really dont wanna move). Limbo was there, my dog who died this summer. I miss him more than i've ever missed anyone.

Whatever. a lot of weird stuff happened but i cant write it down cause its a blur. It cant be explained. It involved stairs though. blah.

Everything seems surreal today. Or well, everything has seemed pretty fucking weird since Ant left. Not being able to get a hold of reality. Constant sleep. lack of hunger.
To be honest it started before he arrived. manic. i was just more able to distract myself while he was around.
I just realized that i have no clue what my true reactions are anymore. Ive been taking sertraline for 2 years now. Wel, I'm the same as ive always been. just dealing with it differently.
you prepps. JÄVLA PRETTON.
Hahaha. dö. Happy birthday to me. this is what you get. Now im allowed to get drunk at noon in public. now i can play online poker til i drop dead on my keyboard.

i need sum.

Hot stuff

2008-12-03T21:23:00.001+01:00

2008-12-02T16:17:00.000+01:00

is it all worth it?

Kärlek - becksvart melankoli

2008-11-26T21:06:00.001+01:00

Almost finished the count of monte cristo, packed, brushed my teeth, didn't smoke, went and washed face in cool water instead, did laundry, rehearsed some singing homework, had an impulse to jump out of the window and roll around in the snow for a while, didnt. felt like dying, didnt.

Why am I so angry right now?

rövhatt.